Without story, experiences are just random.
Donald Miller from A Million Miles In A Thousand Years
I had a friend, a spiritual giant who always listened with an open ear to my self-righteous and most times silly ranting about where my chosen spiritual designation was taking the wrong path. He smiled, listened, commented thoughtfully, didn’t make me feel like an idiot and still loved me. I, of course, loved him.
He died. It was one of those inexplicable, unfair, crazy deaths. One that makes us all poorer.
I’ve tried. There’s nothing I can do to make sense of it.
My best friend is a great human being. He loves his wife, kids and family. He is bright and works hard. He shares his wealth with the people who help him build it. His business thrives. Without explanation, his family suffers. His children make choices that break his heart. And mine, because I love him, and his family.
There’s nothing I can do to make sense of it. I’ve tried.
I do my best to take God at his word. He says, “Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart”. I think I work pretty hard at trying to figure out God’s heart so I can be like him. I really want my desires to be his desires, which I think is the point of what he’s trying to say. The problem is that it doesn’t always seem to work out for me. I sincerely seek his face and find myself occasionally disappointed.
I’ve tried and tried. There’s nothing I can do to make sense of it.
Taken individually, I think the stuff I go through could make a person a bitter and lonely agnostic. I’ve toyed with those possibilities. But somehow I love my life, and especially my creator, in spite of the random, crazy experiences that seem to make no sense when taken alone.
We all have a story.
But, it’s a chapter, not a novel.
What makes life exciting is not just participating in the adventure, which by definition means that we don’t know and can’t predict what’s coming next, but also hearing about other’s adventures and how their stories feel like they are a part of something bigger.
God says he’s got a plan for us and it’s good and it’s to prosper us and not depress us. Where I think we get bogged down is that we forget that we are a part of a bigger story and not just our own. Our creator’s story is about establishing a kingdom on earth where everyone really does get along, but according to his rules. He gives us the opportunity to know where the story’s headed and how it ends, but we don’t get to read the script.
And all of us whether we want to or not get to have a part in that play.
Great stories are about character development, overcoming obstacles and changing the world just a fraction of an inch better than it was.
That’s a story that I want to have a meaningful part in.
And since I am going to play a part in it one way or the other, I will take my part to heart and play with abandon knowing that all the parts in this multi-act play may not make sense on their own but, the end is going to be cool.
I believe that I shall look upon the goodness
of the LORD in the land of the living!
Psalm 27:13
I AM the Decision Maker!
One of my favorite client-leaders called me the other day and said, “I need some help. Can we meet pretty quick?”
That’s affirming to me, because that’s what I do. Help leaders. So we met. Pretty quick.
Almost the first words out of his mouth were, “I am sort of embarrassed to call you for help because I think being President I am supposed to know this stuff”.
Whoa, horse.
What a terrible trap WE have built designed to catch and imprison nobody but us, and the people we look up to.
The trap is that once we get in a position of leadership, “POOF”, we are automatically the grand poobah of a discipline that has had more ink spilled on it than would fill all the Starbucks cups ever made?
Right. Wrong.
We get into positions of leadership because we do something right, like first of all being in the right place at the right time and then secondly, working successfully in a different discipline than leadership, i.e. sales, engineering, accounting, production, even managing. And then we get knighted to lead – a whole different discipline – and suddenly we (and those around us with high expectations of our capabilities) expect us to become expert leaders because we have a title.
Ridiculous, and ultimately damaging to not only to the leaders but also the people who choose to follow.
Jim Collins of Good to Great fame says that there are only two common themes to really good and really long-term dynamic leadership:
The personal will to get something important accomplished, and
The humility to know to ask for help.
Good leaders make good decisions.
To make good decisions, leaders need good information.
To get good information, it has to be pursued, sought out and refined.
Leadership is not a revelation.
Leadership is a process of humble perseverance.
A Really Good Question
One of my dearest friends who is a lot older than me just turned 62. I took him out to lunch for his birthday and I asked him how do you feel about being 62?
He pondered only for a short moment and said,
“I have recently been thinking a lot about death”.
“Wow, although I am significantly younger, me too! So much it’s almost distracting,” I chimed in without an invitation.
Only slightly perturbed at my interruption, he continued, “What’s the end of all of this? I believe that I have endured all of this for some reason and I want to know about that”.
Me too.
But I kept this thought to myself.
*****
Did you ever notice that in the holy books, God never directly addressed our most annoying questions:
Who am I?
and
Why am I here?
Although Jesus seemed to be pretty sure about himself (I have come to set the captives free, I have come so you might have life to the full, etc,) but he only hinted at how we are supposed to answer the questions by telling us what we should:
DO
Love God
Love Others
Love Ourselves
I don’t know about you, but just doing love without knowing the why is a bit squishy for me.
I personally like working without and sometimes outside of boundaries, but when it comes to the big questions, I want some firm footing.
What’s the end goal?
In our organizations and in our lives, maybe if we paid closer attention to the what and the how, the why would pale in significance? Is that what the “god with us” was hinting at?
So all I am supposed to do is love
and the questions get answered?
If I do that well and don’t get a satisfactory answer…
well, I will get back to you.
When you See, When you Smell, When you Feel
Ten o’clock at night.
I can see expansive galaxies in the night sky that remind me of how miniscule is
our presence in God’s creation.
My senses are cocooned in 80 percent humidity producing a constant stream of condensed sweat that rivers down my back in the 85-degree night,
a teasing breath of breeze promises little relief,
the not quite deafening sound of a diesel generator drowns the yapping and
occasional howling of stray and unwanted dogs.
I could find some comfort if only the breeze would be just a bit more
willful.
Then the smell of a constant stream of fermenting human waste that flows
in open gutters would move up the bare mountain on which sits the home of
children left orphaned by a vicious war.
A conflict of vague substance but sharp blades and amoral bullets.
The war is over,
but it isn’t.
Left are
children without fathers to hold them,
babies without mothers to give them their breasts,
mothers without legs to carry babies wrapped on their backs to
introduce them to life,
fathers without their hands to build futures for their families.
Maybe more than that, left are a people who live with little,
have little and have for too long known even less.
I am at an orphanage in Sierra Leone being a drop-in father for adolescent girls
and young boys who want to be treasured but don’t have the words to ask.
I am part of a group of Americans who are bringing some desperately needed
emotional and financial resources out of our overflow to a people who have no
flush toilets,
cold air,
flowing water when you turn on the tap
because there is no tap,
refrigeration
because there is no electricity,
few (very few) paved roads,
doors and windows;
not to keep the weather out, but the poisonous snakes that
want to share their beds,
an emergency room if the unexpected and possibly fatal happens,
not even a doctor to prescribe some simple antibiotics to resolve
a little boy’s kidney infection (really).
It’s not an environment friendly to humans.
But Freetown,
the capital of this small and ignored country,
is home to 2 million of them.
Jesus said that what you do to the least of these, you do to him.
This then, is where Jesus lives and there are a lot of them.
Their eyes are open invitations to know their souls.
Their arms welcome you without expectation.
Their smiles are the artwork of their hearts.
To the uninitiated it is hell.
But.
Look, you will find pockets of heaven.
Lighted candles drive out darkness.
Each evening the expected darkness returns.
But the survivors are relentless;
more candles are lit.
Maybe soon shadows will be rare.
The sparks that light the torches
only need small encouragement to attract more to do the same.
It is easy for us to participate.
We have to suffer very little to light a lot of candles.
Children need to be held.
Minds need educating.
A little cash ($50; it’s a loan, it gets paid back to use again)
starts a business that feeds a family,
not for a day,
but for a lifetime.
It’s true, I have seen it.
When you see,
when you smell,
when you think,
when you feel.
You won’t not want to help.
Write me and I will tell you how to give just a little from the overflow of your cup that will make you the hands and heart of the great God of creation who lives in Sierra Leone
I thought you might be encouraged by the following
Contributions to the Top 10 of 2009.
…This has been an amazing year for me emotionally and spiritually. While my workload has not changed I have discovered for the first time in my life that my direction is not my direction at all but I am fulfilling the purpose God has put me here for. There is absolutely no doubt and this has brought me such comfort that I cannot describe the feeling.
I am eager for the New Year, to form new partnerships, to attempt to solve new problems and to work harder, more efficiently and effectively than ever before…
…2009 was like an exercise we did in the Marine Corps; treading water for at least an hour fully clothed and hanging on to all your gear. We were able to not lay anyone off, but we did cut every imaginable overhead expense that did not harm the business (we hope). I am in the process of starting two new businesses in 2010, so I’m staying busy.
Best of all; my family are all well and my relationship with Christ is very healthy…
…Lastly. I realized what Christmas is all about for me. It is the time of miracles when things happen that are good that can’t be explained. It just happens. Really they happen all the time, but people tend to notice them more around the holidays. What I found interesting was that when I shared this with others no matter what religion they were it didn’t matter, they, we had a common understanding and could put our differences aside.
Miracles do happen…
And now,
Create a New Year
(good questions from David Allen’s blog, Getting Things Done);
- What would you like to be your biggest triumph in 2010?
- What advice would you like to give yourself in 2010?
- What is the major effort you are planning to improve your financial results in 2010?
- What major indulgence are you willing to experience in 2010?
- What would you most like to change about yourself in 2010?
- What are you looking forward to learning in 2010?
- What do you think your biggest risk will be in 2010?
- What about your work, are you most committed to changing and improving in 2010?
- What is one as yet undeveloped talent you are willing to explore in 2010?
10. What brings you the most joy and how are you going to do or have more of that in 2010?
11. Who or what, other than yourself, are you most committed to loving and serving in 2010?
12. What one word would you like to have as your theme in 2010?
2009 in Review
What follows are the things of my “vocation” that refined and shaped my character this year. All of them while not all being necessarily pleasant have made me a more intentional leader.
I would love for you to share yours with me. It’s a great exercise in gratitude.
O2’s Top Ten List for 2009
- Went from a wonderfully capable and compatible team of 5 to 1 (me). A painful, but cathartic experience, I learned a lot about my own leadership ability, intuition, impulsiveness and communication skills (or lack thereof). I also learned (again) that not everything “good” is a “feel good” experience.
- Found a job for my favorite “left hand” – Page, who is now working for Young Life, another of my passions. A double win.
- My office partner and good friend, Jack, appears to be having great success working with and for a group of people he regards highly and who in turn, value him for his abilities and character. Another win.
- Completely paid off my operating capital note. Being debt-free makes marketing and taking on clients a much more values-based experience. I am also better aware of how important it is to be a good steward of the resources with which I have been entrusted.
- Built and presented Simple Leadership – a practical decision-making model for leaders. While it is not rocket science, it is a practical, proven package of leadership skills that anyone can learn. And I am proud of it.
- Invested in 3 websites for 02. You might think that it was a terribly expensive adventure, but not really because I already had sunk costs in one, built the other myself and finally paid someone who was creative and capable to create the last one. Which ended up being functional and cool: oxygenfororganizations.com. Check it out and tell me what you think.
- Started writing a Simple Leadership blog/email that gives me great joy and let’s me give something to my friends with no strings attached.
- Persevered through pain and a crappy business environment
- Grew (see above and below).
- Got wounded, healed up and avoided bitterness. I am still working however, on the not being the “victim”. I chose. I chose. I chose……… Love means being vulnerable. Love means being vulnerable. Love means being vulnerable.
- Met some new lifelong friends who have helped make my life joyful and full.
- My wife loves me and I, her. My kids love me and I, them. And best of all, I know God loves me and I, him.
There’s a quote in my favorite book that has our creator saying,
For I know the plans I have for you, they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you.
Not only do I believe that, I am looking forward to the adventure.
BAM! and dancing…
Belonging
Affirmation
Meaning
The 3 most important tools a leader, or anyone else for that matter, can use to influence others.
My life partner and I recently attended a LifeChange final competition.
LifeChange is a local organization that works with 5th graders in mostly inner city schools building their characters, growing self- and other-respect by teaching them ball room dancing – salsa, meringue, fox trot et al.
That’s right, dancing.
And 5th graders.
Often the girls are budding women a half foot taller than their boy partners whose clothes don’t ever look like they quite fit and who also seem to find it hard or even repulsive to put their hands on a girl’s waist.
Thank you Jesus for innocence.
The auditorium was packed, and rowdy. There were parents, families, friends and teachers holding up signs for their schools and their precious kids.
Yelling encouragement, clapping, whistling.
They thought their kids could see them, hear them.
Maybe they could.
It didn’t matter.
The performers either had grins and smiles of unembarrased joy on their faces or intense concentration. They were literally on stage and loving it.
LifeChange gives kids a sense of Belonging. They are doing something together, a shared experience all guided by a volunteer who believes they can learn and grow and get something they currently don’t have. What a gift.
LifeChange gives kids an opportunity for Affirmation. Sitting in the audience, whistling and clapping for kids I have never seen and don’t know. Who was affirming whom?
LifeChange gives kids Meaning. Well duh. Read the two paragraphs above. You know it’s meaningful to the kids AND their parents, families and friends. Just look at their faces.
LifeChange is true to their name. And it’s pretty simple tools they use. BAM!
Belonging
Affirmation
Meaning
It will work in your organization, in your family, in your relationships.
He who loves purity and the pure in heart and who is gracious in speech – because of the grace of his lips will he have the king for his friend.
Proverbs 22:11
On my way…
Sometimes on the way to my office, I get off on an exit that has two lanes:
- a right turn only and
- a left turn or go straight ahead lane.
I need to go straight ahead so I have to wait for almost all of those in front of me to turn left before I can go through the intersection.
Hardly anyone turns right.
On the other side of the intersection there are two lanes that narrow to one. So I could cheat and act like I am turning right but go through the intersection and, because almost all people turn left, I could easily merge into the left lane, go straight and save a lot of time.
Sometimes as much as maybe a song on the radio or a short news report on NPR.
I think almost no one would notice.
Today I was a good boy and stayed in the left turn/go straight lane when someone decided to be tricky and go through the intersection from the right-hand-turn-only lane.
As fate would have it, the guy in front of me was also going straight and was visibly perturbed by the driver who pulled my premeditated but unexecuted trick. Watching that guy who was in front of me through his rear window dealing with the trickster, I knew that at that moment there was no benefit in being a lip reader. For a few moments, it looked like he was even going to follow that tricky driver into the gas station on the other side of the intersection and make sure that the tricky driver understood in detail how his victim’s rights had been violated. After all, the expedient tricky driver had broken the rules and cost both of us some valuable seconds on our trips to somewhere.
I have been on both sides of the equation – the perp and the victim.
Righteous in both cases.
I am quite capable of making a convincing argument for my actions even if I only convince myself, which is really the most important person in the conversation – ‘cause I am the doer. And I am the one who must deal with the guilt and the anger.
*****
Blessed are the peacemakers for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are the meek for they will see God.
Jesus, from the Gospel of Matthew
Inheriting the earth. Seeing God. If only.
I don’t even think of inheriting the earth, winning the lottery is so crazy to even think about I don’t even buy tickets.
But seeing God, that’s at the top of my list.
Let me see if I have this right. I am supposed to be able to accept without whining being the victim of someone “breaking the rules” and so confident in big picture justice that I love both the tricky driver and the guy that’s mouthing non-affirmations?
Possible, but more than kinda hard.
God, sometimes you are not so subtle,
or easy to please.
Leaves
I have a couple of neighbors who complained to someone who told someone else who told me that they are not happy about me blowing leaves in the street that they seem to think end up in their yards.
Can you imagine someone else’s leaves in your yard?
In the fall?
Like first of all, how do they know whose leaves they are in the first place?
Are they labeled?
Do they watch the leaves blow from the street into their yards?
Do they count what’s in their yards and in the street?
Are they as concerned about the leaves that fall from their trees
into my yard?
Do they not have anything better to worry about?
I put up Christmas lights this weekend after I mowed up and cleaned up my yard. I was hoping that one of them would in a politely obnoxious way come ask me to not blow my leaves into the street. I was ready with any or all of the replies above.
But…
While I was working the lights, this thought came into my mind.
Why don’t you clean up the leaves in the street in front of your home?
Are you kidding?
And not be able to deliver a pithy penetrating shot or two that would show them that I was clever and cocky cool?
Not a chance.
Then to make things worse.
Why don’t you clean up the leaves in the street in front of their homes?
Maybe use the excuse that you could use it as mulch in your garden?
Stop, stop.
You’re killing me.
You’re asking me to model behavior that I say I want.
The same kind of behavior that reminds me of the people I consider heros…..
damn.
Afraid
As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness;
when I awake, I shall be satisfied with your likeness.
Psalm 17:15
I couldn’t go to sleep the other night.
I had made a big promise to someone I care a lot about and had gotten their hopes up that a big problem they were wrestling with might be taken care of. I made the promise because I really wanted to help them, but I also wanted, like my dad used to say with a sneer, to look like a big dog. Now reality had set in and I wasn’t so sure that the promise had been made in a moment of reality. I was worried not only about how to fulfill the promise, but also the consequences of what fulfilling promise meant to me. Really, I was concerned what they would think of me if I said that I couldn’t help.
I was afraid.
The only thing I know to do when I can’t go to sleep is take a hot bath, relax in the hot water and air bubbles from the Jacuzzi for 20 minutes or so and then wait for sleep to come, which it usually does.
But not this time.
Hot water ran long enough to warm my hiney and get my legs wet.
Then the water went cold and there I sat.
In some hot water and a bit of cold water.
How fitting.
The hot bath was a dead end. So the next thing is to go to the study and read what God might have to say to me.
My mind was racing through contingencies.
My soul felt like a drop of water in a hot frying pan.
I read some of my favorite stuff, like God has a good plan for me, one that will prosper me and not harm me. Another said that he would show me the pathway to life and that there was joy for me in his presence. I was starting to feel some better. Then somehow I read that I could be satisfied if every time I woke up, my hero’s face would be the first thing I saw.
Then I thought, you dummy (that’s me), why didn’t you go to your guide and mentor in the first place and ask for the direction you are now getting? Wouldn’t doing that have avoided most, if not all, of the turmoil?
Well, duh.
Then I went to bed. I was kind of sleepy.
