My experience tells me the above is true.  I’d like to share more about that with you and, since all of you who read this are leaders, I would like to hear what you think.

Ponder the following question and respond back to me:

If leadership is a way of being, what do you do differently or not do because it is a life style?

Please, let me know what you think.

I will compile  your answers and even credit you.  Once done, I will share the responses.  I think the result could be really interesting and helpful.

regardless of what it is called, from the moment he breathed his first breath, nic’s disability had to be a significant factor in determining his future.

or, maybe not.

all of us are borne with a sort of psychological baggage that significantly influences who we become. as well, we either develop and use physical attributes and capabilities to our advantage or, overcome and compensate for them if they cause us to stumble.  it’s not so important what you come into the world with, but more importantly, what you do with it.  nic no doubt came into the world having to draw to an inside straight.

if you know who greg burns is, nic has the same disability.  it is more than the way their bodies deal with gravity that makes them great friends.  greg paints beautiful pictures holding a brush between his teeth.  nic can walk, albeit with a lot of side to side motion that he has learned to translate into forward motion.  nic spends some time in a wheel chair, simply because it takes a lot of energy to walk.  nic can use his hands, although to do what you and i do without thinking, he has had to devise creative and unusual motions with his body that we wouldn’t recognize.

he has callouses and scars on most visible parts of his body from falling down and not being able to catch himself.  while he couldn’t stop the fall, he has always managed to get up, even if it is often with the help of someone else.

today he is in his late 20′s and married to a beautiful woman.  he is surrounded by a terrific family.  nic has a really good mind. he has a steady job and fun hobbies.  while life is not easy, i am absolutely positive that he would say life is good.

he can coast.  which he has chosen not to do.

this past weekend, nic rode an arm-driven trike one hundred miles along the coast of california and not just along the flat shoreline, but also way, way up into the hills, steep hills, near and around Santa Barbara using his semi-functional arms and sinuey shoulders.

i had the honor of being there to see him finish.  it was something like i have never seen before.  a man who has overcome more suffering and obstacles in his short but influential life than most will face in multiple lifetimes, he had to ride almost twice as long as everyone else to cover the same distance.  he started at dawn and finished in the moonlight – something like 15 hours of pedaling.  with his arms.

i can see my 60th year on the horizon and you might think that all the people that i want to emulate have gone before me.  not all.  i want the “i-can” that nick has.  I want to take what i have been given and make a treasure out of it.

like nic.

What makes her attractive is how her soul works.

She is hungry to become something more than what she is.  Up to this point, she has been the collection of experiences at which she finds herself at the epicenter.  Her experiences like yours and mine are rich, varied, painful, contradictory.

They have made her what she is. She has worked hard to make sense of them, to put them in some sort of order while getting through the next one.

Her story is my story.  And probably your story.

We persevere through whatever is happening to us.  We look back at the experience when it is over and, if we make time (a very big if that is) we try to figure out what all of it meant, if anything.

Most of the time, we are in the middle of the next drama and don’t take time to make sense of anything.  We are too busy coping.  Then we die.

Back to my attractive friend.

Now, in confident humility she is making time to think what her creator has in mind for her.  She is seeking to define what she was destined for, where all of who she is fits and it works. And in little pieces her boundary lines are falling in pleasant places.

I think she would tell you it’s sorta hard work – uncovering what we should be doing and just as importantly, how we should be doing it.  Sometimes, it’s even a bit painful.

But maybe that’s what I find attractive about her.  She perseveres.  She knows what she wants and is willing to do the hard work to get it.

Wouldn’t you like to know someone like that?  I am honored.

The following is a mildly edited letter of encouragement to a new college graduate who just landed a job as a reporter for a startup from her very wise boss.  Enjoy the reminders of what’s important to even old(er) guys like me.

You’ve got great potential. I’ve seen flashes of it. And you’re tremendously organized. But to be perfectly honest, you either don’t seem to understand what it takes to be great…or maybe you haven’t reached the point where you’re willing to pay the price to be great.

The price of greatness is time. And when I say time, I mean LOTS of time. For little pay at this stage of your career

And yes…it means more time than you’ve been willing to invest so far.

It doesn’t mean sitting at the office waiting for people to return emails or phone calls. It doesn’t mean getting your information about a game or a match or tournament after it’s over. You’ll never be great by showing up at a golf tournament four hours after it starts or talking to a coach or player about getting run-ruled by his rival the day after the emotions have settled somewhat. You get there by sitting in the press box with a coach and giving him pizza as a six-hour track meet winds down. You get there by having long conversations with a kid or a parent that may not reveal anything “major” 9 out of 10 times, but maybe he drops a bombshell on you…like “I just found out I have a medical condition that has ended my career.” You get there by watching the games. You get there by learning the difference between scoring “runs” in baseball as opposed to scoring “points.” Sometimes it’s exciting…others it’s tedious and boring, because life is like that.

And frankly, you’ll only do that day in, day out only if you absolutely LOVE what you do. Not love the office you work in because it’s cool and you have nifty new equipment. Not love the people you work with because they’re fun to be around. Not love the career because you get to go to games and talk to people. I mean LOVE the sport. LOVE soaking it in. LOVE the experience of seeing it unfold in front of you and LOVE telling the story so that others can fall in love with what you love about it.

You’re showing glimpses of a willingness to be great. But it’s only coming in pieces here and there. And until you’re ready to pay the price of spending time it’s only going to continue coming in pieces here and there.

I love working with (every member of our team),…trying to help you become the people you can be. Not just the reporters or designers you can be…but the whole person. I treasure the chance to have these kinds of conversations with you, hard though they may be to have. I have nothing but the highest of hopes for you and for your co-workers because I can see the potential each of you has.

But you’re not going to reach that potential without investing time. A LOT of time.

I don’t believe there’s anything I can do that will make you love your job and want to do it more or do it better. I believe the best way for you have to arrive at that decision is to find it yourself. You have to fall in love with what you’re doing. Not with all of the peripheral things that come with being a reporter or a sports reporter like the recognition or the people you know or that you get to go to games and talk to those who play them. Those are nice things, but they’re fleeting at best. Falling in love with the experience, the relationships and the telling of stories. Falling in love with the crafting of a story that you can’t wait to write.

My experience is, not many.

Because the man or woman we work for is a whacko.
Because the people we work with are incompetent and unmotivated
(and we, of course, are competent and motivated).
Because our customers or clients are insensitive and overly demanding.
Because we are never paid what we are worth.
Because we don’t get the right benefits or, have to pay too much for them.

I can go on, but I am thinking you are identifying, or at least getting the idea.

Look through the above list of sources of misery.
They are all about someone else.

You can say that the king of Israel had it made and could afford to say good stuff about his place in life,
but the fact is, interestingly enough, that there is very little correlation between job satisfaction and position titles.
Maybe, like the fallen poet-king, we of less fortune can improve our lot in life by looking past the immediate and focus instead
on that which outlives us.

After he says, “The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places” King David declares “Surely, I have a delightful inheritance.”  His inheritance, what he was given, was the framework in which he made sense of the immediate non-sensical stuff.

Do you think maybe if we knew what we’ve been given and for what purpose, the distractions might be nothing more than character building?

Grateful

Jon Cook, December 2010

All of my life people have been incredibly generous to me.  They have provided opportunities to earn a living, contributed to the welfare of my family, shared their resources with me, and blessed my family as friends.  In short, I have much for which to be grateful.

The world’s standard is to get all you can, can all you get, and then sit on the lid and don’t share with anyone!  It is selfish and “all about me.”  On the other hand, being grateful for all that we have and having a generous spirit in return is something that few people really understand or strive for.

Every part of an engine has a role to play.  If it does not work correctly then the engine does not work efficiently or breaks down and does not work at all.  One malfunctioning part eventually affects the performance of every other part.  In an organization, some positions seem more important than others, but it is essential that each position be filled with an individual who does a good job.

You have an opportunity to understand that having a job is a privilege and is something for which to be grateful.  There are many ways to show your gratefulness.

• Thank people for what they do for you and how you have benefited as a result.
• Learn to express gratefulness immediately when another person benefits you.
• Express gratitude by being courteous and thoughtful to others, especially family and work associates.
• Take good care of equipment that is provided you.
• Do not take others for granted.
• Invest in others without reservation.  Make a difference in their lives.
• Learn to express your gratefulness by being generous with your own resources, even if you think those resources are few and limited.

Showing your gratefulness encourages others, builds relationships, and opens your life to future benefits.  What do you have to be grateful for today?

“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18

The world’s worst boss

That would be you.

Even if you’re not self-employed, your boss is you. You manage your career, your day, your responses. You manage how you sell your services and your education and the way you talk to yourself.

Odds are, you’re doing it poorly.

If you had a manager that talked to you the way you talked to you, you’d quit. If you had a boss that wasted as much as your time as you do, they’d fire her. If an organization developed its employees as poorly as you are developing yourself, it would soon go under.

I’m amazed at how often people choose to fail when they go out on their own or when they end up in one of those rare jobs that encourages one to set an agenda and manage themselves. Faced with the freedom to excel, they falter and hesitate and stall and ultimately punt.

We are surprised when someone self-directed arrives on the scene. Someone who figures out a way to work from home and then turns that into a two-year journey, laptop in hand, as they explore the world while doing their job. We are shocked that someone uses evenings and weekends to get a second education or start a useful new side business. And we’re envious when we encounter someone who has managed to bootstrap themselves into happiness, as if that’s rare or even uncalled for.

There are few good books on being a good manager. Fewer still on managing yourself. It’s hard to think of a more essential thing to learn.

Journaling-the fine art of communicating with yourself

We are an odd species of mammal.  While a lot of warm-blooded animals can communicate with each other, humans alone seem to have the distinction of being able to carry on complete conversations within themselves.  And quite often those thoughtful, internal conversations that occur in quiet retrospective moments give us the opportunity to more fully consider and develop the random thoughts that come to us during the day.  Or sometimes, our introspection helps make sense of the things that happen to us, that at the moment they occur do not allow for the “teachable moments” that are so important to our growth and maturity.

Journaling gives structure to recording and working through those retrospective moments.

People generally think of a Journal and a diary as the same thing but there’s a big difference between keeping a diary and Journaling. A diary is akin to a person’s “Schedule” where appointments and tasks are kept.  Think “DayTimer”, “iCal”, “Outlook”, et al.  A Journal on the other hand, is a means of discovery. Journaling is writing specifically targeted at learning more about who you are, what you do well, what you should avoid.  In other words gaining a more intimate knowledge of your own capabilities and capacities.

Journaling simply provides the means of probing thoughts, feelings and emotions as they affect behavior.  And, since business is constructed of relationships, success or failure often has more to do with our attitudes and beliefs than actually what we physically do.

Journaling while taking a more intimate look at ourselves, allows us to see our attitudes and beliefs, and to make changes if necessary to find different and maybe more effective ways of approaching challenges. When things don’t go as expected or desired, Journaling allows each step to be dissected, helping to determine where the problems lie and what it will take to reach the solution.

Now, the good news.

Oxygen for Organizations now offers you the opportunity to experience Journaling in a safe environment in which you can choose the level of privacy or open sharing that helps you grow.  In other words, you can choose to work through a set of guided Journaling exercises that only you and I will see.  Or, you can share your thoughts with others and get feedback while seeing what they might have to say on similar topics.

You choose.

And, if you are currently working through a workshop with me there are also opportunities for writing about your thoughts and experiences based on specific assignments or lessons.

In any case, the Journaling experience is by invitation only.  If you are interested, let me know by writing me at Michael@IntendToLead.com and I will send you the info to get you started.

…the highest level in a hierarchy of executive capabilities (is) an individual who blends extreme personal humility with intense professional will.

Jim Collins, Good to Great

I’ve looked and I can’t find anywhere a class on extreme personal humility.  I did google “humility” and got a few “how to be humble” tips, but after reading them ended up thinking that simply acting like I want to be humble is like whatever that word is that describes a “jumbo shrimp” or “regressive taxes”. But then I heard someone talking about Aristotle who is reported to have said, “We are what we do“.  So I thought I might work on a tool that when employed would at least help me understand what humility is and how it works.

So, here’s another possible tool in the humility tool box.

The Art and Science of an Effective Apology

Before you roll your eyes and ask why I am writing about how to effectively apologize, let me try to pre-empt that thought with the particularly appropriate quote, “we teach best what we most need to learn” and, I really do want to be a better leader who knows and practices humility.

If you’re anything like me, saying “I am sorry”, unfortunately, is hard.  Somewhere I got this idea that apologizing doesn’t just mean I am wrong, but that I am also unworthy and, like every other warm-blooded human being on the planet, I work really hard to be OK.  My experience however, with those who deliver sincere apologies is just the opposite.  I have more admiration for them and as a result, in my estimation they gain in character and influence.

So, getting my mind to override my heart, I investigated what makes an effective apology in order to use it as a tool to get just a little bit closer to extreme personal humility.  Here’s what I found from www.perfectapology.com:

An effective apology is both a Science and an Art. 
The Science is basically the formula—what ingredients to combine under the right circumstances to produce the perfect reaction; that is to be forgiven.

The Art is in how you apply the Science—how you actually deliver the apology.  When you combine the science and art of an apology you inevitably get the right answer to the central question of “how to apologize?”

The Science of An Effective Apology

The Art of an apology, on the other hand, deals with how you should package, present and deliver the ingredients in the apology. Giving some thought to how to deliver your apology can help make your personal apology more relevant and successful. This is why apologizing effectively really can be thought of as an art.

The personality of the recipient of the apology (his/her likes, dislikes, values, personal preferences) and the relationship you with them all have an important affect on the style, presentation and delivery of your apology.

In other words, although every apology should include the same elements, the level of playfulness, formality, or romance you bring to it should be dictated by the recipient, the relationship that you have with them, and the nature of the infraction.

 With all this in mind, when apologizing always think about which words to use based on the person and your relationship, and the overall tone based on the infraction. The more serious the infraction the more serious the tone should be.

WARNING: Always err on the side of assuming the recipient views the infraction as serious.

The only limit to perfecting an apology is your imagination.




 As long as you include the science of an apology you can add whatever personal touch you feel appropriate to your situation to make the recipient understand how very sorry you are.

I am going to work on implementing the above while reminding myself that pain means I am exercising muscles I haven’t used much.

Humility, Part 2

…the highest level in a hierarchy of executive capabilities (is) an individual who blends extreme personal humility with intense professional will.

Jim Collins, Good to Great

I am confident that most all of us want to be better leaders.  And, I think it is pretty safe to say that we all at least recognize that humility is foundational to really good leadership; humility is a good thing and want more of  it.

Even though we are not sure how to get more of  it.

That’s where the little excerpt below comes in handy.  It actually gives those of us who say we want more of it, a couple of practical tools to exercise and build our humility.

…from Harvard Business Review

2 Ways to Cure Your Hubris

Effective leaders need confidence. But like any good thing, too much of it can get you in trouble. A self-confidence overdose can cause you to believe in yourself over your team or your company. Here are two ways to ground yourself:

1. Ask people to talk back. Employees should be able to tell their bosses what they really think. Make sure your people know that you want honesty and candor.
2. Walk the halls. Overly self-confident leaders tend to lose touch with customers, vendors, and employees because they are busy with “important” things. Make time to walk the halls and listen to what these vital stakeholders have to say about how the company is performing.

Readily available, low cost tools and, like most really good tools they are simple.  But also like really good tools, it is the force behind the tools that make them useful, appropriate and ultimately effectively.

A clue: this particular tool does not require giving out a lot of information.  Instead, it requires almost exclusively asking good questions and listening (getting good information).  Use the 80/20 rule: listen 80% and talk less than 20% of the time you are with your team members.  Try asking them questions like,

• “What am I doing to help you get your job done?”,
• “What would you like me to stop doing?”,
• “What would you like me to start doing?”,
• “Tell me more about that”.

Avoid justifying and defending yourself, and simply respond by saying, “Thanks for the honest conversation, it’s helpful.  I am taking in all of what’s being said and thinking how I can get better”.

Remember, you are the constraint and the window of opportunity for the growth of your team.