I have a small floating thingy in my pool that holds a couple of chlorine tablets.
The idea is that it freely floats around the pool and its job is to help keep the pool clear and clean.
There is also a small waterfall that falls into the pool and makes cool sounds.
Pretty regularly the floating thingy finds itself in the grasp of the waterfall. Somehow it moves into the quiet power of the waterfall and the force of the water makes it bob, turn and move crazily under the power of the water. After a while it escapes into the wider expanse of calmer waters.
I am not sure what the physics are, but often in a short amount of time, the process repeats itself. Over and over again until someone gets tired and it begins to float around the pool again. Of course, it happens over and over.
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We are all addicted to something. Some things are legal like working too much or answering cell phones too much or eating too much. Others are not. That list can be ugly. In either case, it is still an addiction which is an unhealthy distraction from becoming and practicing who we are and what what we are here for.
My addictions are legal though nonetheless frustrating and painful. Like my floating thingy, I get trapped in my addiction without understanding the reasons why or sometimes even knowing that I am choosing to participate.
And it happens over and over.
Occasionally I control my addiction. It is not easy. Often, I like giving into my addiction more than making another choice. For a fleeting moment in the middle of saying yes to the invitation, I feel good.
But the fact is that once the moment has passed, not only has the feel good passed, but there is no satisfaction left in its place. In fact, what normally stays behind is the guilt that tells me that once again I have failed.
In my favorite book there’s a quote that says something like when we are tempted, our creator will always provide a different opportunity so we never have to say yes.
It’s true, every time I have accepted the invitation to addict, another choice has beckoned.
Occassionally, I heed the call, push away from the symbolic table and say, “enough”.
There’s another passage in that same book that says if we will resist what’s not good for us, the opportunity will flee.
Giving myself really good and obvious reasons for resisting (in other words, the other choice that beckons) is the only way I account for occasional victories.
But it’s hard. And I am weak.
Oddly enough, practice makes me stronger.
